1 00:00:02,021 --> 00:00:09,981 This programme contains violent scenes and images of the deceased from the very start 2 00:00:10,021 --> 00:00:17,981 that viewers may find distressing, strong language, offensive and discriminatory attitudes, 3 00:00:18,021 --> 00:00:25,981 and scenes of a sexual nature throughout 4 00:00:31,941 --> 00:00:33,741 DISTANT SCREAMING 5 00:00:35,581 --> 00:00:38,621 WOMAN WAILS 6 00:00:38,661 --> 00:00:40,941 SIRENS WAIL 7 00:00:48,341 --> 00:00:49,861 What is that?! 8 00:00:50,981 --> 00:00:52,501 What is that?! 9 00:01:18,901 --> 00:01:20,541 FRUSTRATED SIGH 10 00:01:25,541 --> 00:01:27,101 Ah-ha! 11 00:01:41,821 --> 00:01:43,301 DOOR OPENS 12 00:01:46,461 --> 00:01:47,941 All right, George? 13 00:01:49,741 --> 00:01:51,341 CAR BEEPS 14 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:56,421 I...normally park at the Richmond Street car park. 15 00:02:09,821 --> 00:02:11,581 ENGINE STARTS 16 00:02:14,341 --> 00:02:16,581 ENGINE REVS 17 00:02:24,581 --> 00:02:27,261 REVVING CONTINUES 18 00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:36,141 Oh, it's still pay and display in this one, the app doesn't work. 19 00:02:36,181 --> 00:02:37,221 I'll treat you. 20 00:02:37,261 --> 00:02:39,421 You gonna be here all day? 21 00:02:39,461 --> 00:02:40,661 That depends, don't it? 22 00:02:43,221 --> 00:02:44,701 MUTTERS: Fucking hell. 23 00:02:55,821 --> 00:02:57,701 You watching tonight? 24 00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:01,661 Is that a football question? 25 00:03:03,381 --> 00:03:04,701 Yes. 26 00:03:06,541 --> 00:03:08,141 No. 27 00:03:15,501 --> 00:03:17,341 SECURITY SYSTEM BEEPS 28 00:03:20,141 --> 00:03:22,221 So, you've got this place and the house? 29 00:03:22,261 --> 00:03:24,861 Yeah. But I'm mortgaged to death. 30 00:03:24,901 --> 00:03:27,541 You try making money out of hospitality. 31 00:03:27,581 --> 00:03:29,261 The house is thanks to my parents. 32 00:03:29,301 --> 00:03:31,661 I sold theirs and bought number 5. 33 00:03:31,701 --> 00:03:32,861 So, they were rich? 34 00:03:32,901 --> 00:03:36,141 What, do I look like Lord Struthers of Morningside? 35 00:03:36,181 --> 00:03:38,661 They just had a nice terraced house in Dundee, 36 00:03:38,701 --> 00:03:40,741 so I murdered them and got the money. 37 00:03:42,261 --> 00:03:44,621 What, and then you got this place with Curtis? 38 00:03:44,661 --> 00:03:46,821 Yep. That is my punishment. 39 00:03:46,861 --> 00:03:48,981 I'm buying him out and it's taking for ever, 40 00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:51,981 cos it costs a fortune. He still gets 20% of the profits, 41 00:03:52,021 --> 00:03:55,661 which is kind of 20% of not very much, but still... 42 00:03:55,701 --> 00:03:57,101 The bastard. 43 00:03:58,581 --> 00:04:00,741 I'm seeing him tonight, as a matter of fact. 44 00:04:02,341 --> 00:04:05,021 With his newly beloved. 45 00:04:05,061 --> 00:04:07,301 So, this is the thing. Sometimes when you touch it, 46 00:04:07,341 --> 00:04:08,701 you get a shock. 47 00:04:10,741 --> 00:04:12,941 Oh, well. It's fine now. Typical. 48 00:04:12,981 --> 00:04:15,621 But when it zaps you, that fuse goes. 49 00:04:19,061 --> 00:04:21,741 This one. It trips. Is that the right word? Trips? 50 00:04:21,781 --> 00:04:23,221 I'm gonna have to turn the power off. 51 00:04:23,261 --> 00:04:24,941 I've got the office upstairs, I still need to work. 52 00:04:24,981 --> 00:04:26,101 Yeah, well, I can isolate that. 53 00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:28,381 When did you last get your condition report? 54 00:04:28,421 --> 00:04:31,101 Um, November '25. We're up to date. 55 00:04:31,141 --> 00:04:34,781 So, who did your test for you? Ashbury's. 56 00:04:34,821 --> 00:04:37,501 But they charge 500 quid just for a visit. 57 00:04:37,541 --> 00:04:39,701 Yeah, I don't trust 'em. 58 00:04:39,741 --> 00:04:42,021 Do you know where they get their staff from? 59 00:04:42,061 --> 00:04:44,501 Aruba. Do you know where that is? 60 00:04:44,541 --> 00:04:47,021 The Caribbean? Exactly. 61 00:04:47,061 --> 00:04:49,261 And I'm not being racist. Well, a little bit. 62 00:04:51,461 --> 00:04:53,621 I mean, think about it. 63 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:54,821 Aruba. 64 00:04:55,941 --> 00:04:57,621 Who owns that? 65 00:04:57,661 --> 00:04:59,021 The Netherlands. 66 00:05:00,221 --> 00:05:03,581 And in the Netherlands, the mains wiring is 230 volts, 67 00:05:03,621 --> 00:05:05,621 and in Aruba it's 127 volts, 68 00:05:05,661 --> 00:05:08,901 so it's two different systems. It's like a fire trap. 69 00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:12,141 And why do they do that, eh? Have two different voltages? 70 00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:14,941 Tesla. 71 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,661 What, like, Elon Musk? 72 00:05:16,701 --> 00:05:18,981 No, Nikolai Tesla. 73 00:05:19,021 --> 00:05:21,701 He was the man who invented AC/DC. 74 00:05:21,741 --> 00:05:24,461 And when he died, the FBI took all his papers 75 00:05:24,501 --> 00:05:26,981 and they burnt them so no-one could see them. 76 00:05:27,021 --> 00:05:29,781 And then Elon Musk named his company after him. 77 00:05:29,821 --> 00:05:31,861 That's no coincidence, is it? 78 00:05:31,901 --> 00:05:33,301 Meaning? 79 00:05:33,341 --> 00:05:35,541 Exactly. It's a mystery. 80 00:05:36,941 --> 00:05:39,581 When I was young, AC/DC meant bisexual. 81 00:05:43,021 --> 00:05:44,781 Look, there's nothing wrong with this, 82 00:05:44,821 --> 00:05:47,701 but I need to get back here, strip everything away, all right? 83 00:05:47,741 --> 00:05:50,501 Is that gonna cost? Well, it's all gonna cost, innit? 84 00:05:50,541 --> 00:05:53,581 Well, you know, I'm not being rude, but you know what happens. 85 00:05:53,621 --> 00:05:55,301 You get an electrician in and they go, 86 00:05:55,341 --> 00:05:56,581 "Oh, everything needs rewiring," 87 00:05:56,621 --> 00:05:59,981 and a job that was gonna cost 100 quid ends up costing 10,000. 88 00:06:00,021 --> 00:06:01,781 You calling me a liar? 89 00:06:01,821 --> 00:06:03,461 No. 90 00:06:03,501 --> 00:06:05,541 The way people talk about workmen. 91 00:06:05,581 --> 00:06:07,261 Nobody else would put up with it. 92 00:06:07,301 --> 00:06:09,941 Imagine if I walked in here, eh, and got a pint and said, 93 00:06:09,981 --> 00:06:12,021 "Have you watered this down?" 94 00:06:12,061 --> 00:06:14,781 You'd get right on your high horse, wouldn't you? 95 00:06:14,821 --> 00:06:17,181 Do you water it down? No. 96 00:06:17,221 --> 00:06:19,421 Well, there's your first mistake, isn't it? 97 00:06:19,461 --> 00:06:22,901 Paying your ex 20%? I'd start diluting it, mate. 98 00:06:22,941 --> 00:06:25,421 DOOR OPENS Oh. You're here early. 99 00:06:25,461 --> 00:06:27,781 Oh, yeah, this is Clive, the electrician. 100 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,461 Hi, Clive. I'm Judy. 101 00:06:29,501 --> 00:06:31,341 Don't charge us a million quid, yeah? 102 00:06:35,541 --> 00:06:39,021 Ah, he's the one I told you about! Mm-hm. Clive, from next door. 103 00:06:39,061 --> 00:06:42,061 I met his son online, and I mean online. 104 00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:45,261 He's 16, but said 18, vers bottom. 105 00:06:45,301 --> 00:06:46,981 So, what did you do? 106 00:06:47,021 --> 00:06:48,621 Oh, I fucked him. Oh, Leo! 107 00:06:48,661 --> 00:06:52,221 Get off! It was mortifying. Said he was zero metres away. 108 00:06:52,261 --> 00:06:55,181 Zero! He must've seen me, though. 109 00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,341 You cheeky little bitch. 110 00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:04,741 But I will be the one to block him, thank you very much. 111 00:07:04,781 --> 00:07:08,421 It's my street and I was gay before he was even a single spunk. 112 00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:11,581 Oh, my God, now I'm thinking about his father ejaculating. 113 00:07:11,621 --> 00:07:13,421 This is such a terrible day, 114 00:07:13,461 --> 00:07:16,541 and to top it all I'm seeing Curtis tonight. 115 00:07:16,581 --> 00:07:18,341 Talking of tops. 116 00:07:18,381 --> 00:07:19,901 What for? 117 00:07:19,941 --> 00:07:22,141 HE SIGHS We're being civilised. 118 00:07:22,181 --> 00:07:23,741 FOOTSTEPS 119 00:07:23,781 --> 00:07:26,181 Could you not talk to him, though? The lad, what's his name? 120 00:07:26,221 --> 00:07:28,421 George. What would we talk about? Morning, Zee. Morning. 121 00:07:28,461 --> 00:07:30,261 Zee, boy next door, 16, 122 00:07:30,301 --> 00:07:32,661 looking for sex online and lying about his age. 123 00:07:32,701 --> 00:07:33,821 Should Leo not have a word? 124 00:07:33,861 --> 00:07:35,261 His dad's downstairs, the electrician. 125 00:07:35,301 --> 00:07:37,981 But his dad doesn't know he's gay, so do not say anything. 126 00:07:38,021 --> 00:07:39,341 How do you know he doesn't know? 127 00:07:39,381 --> 00:07:41,341 Because George is alive. 128 00:07:41,381 --> 00:07:43,221 That's a bit 1980s. 129 00:07:43,261 --> 00:07:44,981 You'd be surprised, times are changing. 130 00:07:45,021 --> 00:07:46,741 Not with this family, trust me. 131 00:07:46,781 --> 00:07:49,061 Sit at home with a bad dad and you're as closeted as ever. 132 00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:50,901 Why are you employing him, then? Ahem. 133 00:07:50,941 --> 00:07:53,421 Could you just go and do some work, thank you? 134 00:07:53,461 --> 00:07:55,341 Are you mates with him? The boy? 135 00:07:55,381 --> 00:07:57,341 Why would I be mates with a 16-year-old? 136 00:07:57,381 --> 00:07:59,821 What would we even talk about? about? Bluey? 137 00:07:59,861 --> 00:08:02,741 No, I've hardly said two words to him. He's just like, "Hello." 138 00:08:02,781 --> 00:08:05,541 Oh, I dunno, best not then. Oh, don't take his side. 139 00:08:05,581 --> 00:08:08,301 Yeah, but I can see what he means. It's a funny line to cross. 140 00:08:08,341 --> 00:08:09,741 So, the kid goes online, 141 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:11,901 hooks up, and gets murdered, and that's fine? 142 00:08:11,941 --> 00:08:13,661 But at least he wouldn't have died a virgin. 143 00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:16,741 JUDY CACKLES Oh, power's back on. Hooray. 144 00:08:18,501 --> 00:08:19,781 It's weird, innit, 145 00:08:19,821 --> 00:08:21,901 how we know more about his son than he does. 146 00:08:23,181 --> 00:08:25,021 His wife said he had an affair. 147 00:08:25,061 --> 00:08:27,021 For real? In a caravan park. 148 00:08:27,061 --> 00:08:29,781 Oh. Like Jenny and Lee on Gogglebox? 149 00:08:29,821 --> 00:08:33,701 Maybe it was Jenny.Sh!Don't. THEY LAUGH 150 00:08:33,741 --> 00:08:35,861 He can't hear us. 151 00:08:35,901 --> 00:08:39,061 He can't hear us down there, can he? Nah, course not. No. 152 00:08:40,581 --> 00:08:41,581 Clive! 153 00:08:43,021 --> 00:08:45,341 Yeah? LEO GASPS 154 00:08:48,301 --> 00:08:49,301 Nothing! 155 00:08:51,581 --> 00:08:53,821 I'll start putting these back. 156 00:08:53,861 --> 00:08:56,301 Well, thanks, yeah. Clive. 157 00:08:56,341 --> 00:08:58,341 Nice to meet ya. I'm Zee. 158 00:09:02,781 --> 00:09:04,661 What's that short for, then? 159 00:09:04,701 --> 00:09:07,901 It's not. I'm just Zee. I chose it myself. 160 00:09:09,741 --> 00:09:11,741 How come? 161 00:09:11,781 --> 00:09:15,821 I just did. It's a placeholder till I find the right name. 162 00:09:15,861 --> 00:09:17,221 I'm Hanna. 163 00:09:17,261 --> 00:09:19,661 My girlfriend chose it. She says it's delicate. 164 00:09:21,541 --> 00:09:23,381 How many of you are there? 165 00:09:23,421 --> 00:09:27,341 Morning, all. OK, then. What have we got? 166 00:09:27,381 --> 00:09:29,221 No, no, it's straightforward. 167 00:09:29,261 --> 00:09:32,661 You just had a broken earth cable, so I just replaced it. It's done. 168 00:09:32,701 --> 00:09:34,821 But...? 169 00:09:34,861 --> 00:09:38,501 No, no, you were just unlucky. Put in a new cable. All done. 170 00:09:38,541 --> 00:09:41,501 Oh, OK. Great. Well, that's good. 171 00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:45,741 But... Oh, I knew it. How much? 172 00:09:45,781 --> 00:09:48,821 No, it's just this here. I mean, look at it. 173 00:09:48,861 --> 00:09:51,341 You've got the whole thing running out of one socket. 174 00:09:51,381 --> 00:09:54,301 You've got your sound system, your lights, your mic. 175 00:09:54,341 --> 00:09:56,461 What else is plugged in here? 176 00:09:56,501 --> 00:09:59,701 Smoke machine. Bubble machine. Oil wheel. 177 00:09:59,741 --> 00:10:01,741 Well, look forward to the inquest when you're all burnt 178 00:10:01,781 --> 00:10:04,621 to death. But, look, I can strip away that wall, 179 00:10:04,661 --> 00:10:08,541 I can rewire it and put in five sockets. 800 quid, all in. 180 00:10:08,581 --> 00:10:10,861 How long are we out of action? No, it'll just take me one night. 181 00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:13,421 I can isolate this wall so you can keep the bar open. 182 00:10:14,501 --> 00:10:17,941 600. 800. All right? And that's final. 183 00:10:19,421 --> 00:10:20,861 It's not just the electrics, is it? 184 00:10:20,901 --> 00:10:23,101 You know, I've gotta redecorate and patch it all in. 185 00:10:23,141 --> 00:10:25,701 So, 800 gets you my lad in, my son. 186 00:10:25,741 --> 00:10:28,941 He's got level 3 joinery, so he can tidy it all up 187 00:10:28,981 --> 00:10:30,701 and then seal it off for you. 188 00:10:30,741 --> 00:10:32,621 How old's your son? 25. 189 00:10:32,661 --> 00:10:33,901 He's got two sons. 190 00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:37,461 Why? 191 00:10:37,501 --> 00:10:39,221 What do you mean? 192 00:10:40,381 --> 00:10:41,941 Just you have two sons. 193 00:10:41,981 --> 00:10:44,021 So? 194 00:10:45,581 --> 00:10:46,581 Nothing. 195 00:10:48,261 --> 00:10:49,461 Why'd you say that? 196 00:10:51,101 --> 00:10:55,181 I just did, because you have, haven't you? 197 00:10:57,021 --> 00:10:58,781 Does it matter? 198 00:11:00,341 --> 00:11:01,821 No. 199 00:11:04,101 --> 00:11:06,421 OK, great. Um... 200 00:11:07,981 --> 00:11:10,541 700. 800, all right? 201 00:11:11,941 --> 00:11:13,181 And then we're, er... 202 00:11:13,221 --> 00:11:14,621 MUSIC PLAYS 203 00:11:14,661 --> 00:11:15,901 ..disco. 204 00:11:19,901 --> 00:11:22,621 Hey! Go on, Clive. Woo! 205 00:11:22,661 --> 00:11:25,181 THEY LAUGH AND CHEER 206 00:11:25,221 --> 00:11:26,741 MUSIC OFF 207 00:11:26,781 --> 00:11:29,341 That's enough. I'll get started. Er... 208 00:11:29,381 --> 00:11:32,421 What did you get on the van? Two hours? Yeah. 209 00:11:32,461 --> 00:11:36,301 All right, well, you'd better make it all day, hadn't you? Your treat. 210 00:11:38,901 --> 00:11:40,141 See you later. 211 00:11:56,621 --> 00:11:57,621 Ha-ha. 212 00:12:13,101 --> 00:12:14,981 Ah, I'm running late. 213 00:12:16,021 --> 00:12:18,461 Get a taxi and pick me up at 7.30, OK? 214 00:12:18,501 --> 00:12:22,301 Why are we having dinner with your ex? No fucking idea. 215 00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:26,541 Curtis and Maggie at home. At ten o'clock we are leaving, OK? Bye. 216 00:12:26,581 --> 00:12:28,101 MEN LAUGH 217 00:12:28,141 --> 00:12:29,821 He doesn't know what he's talking about. 218 00:12:29,861 --> 00:12:32,541 He was a shit player and he's a shit pundit, I told you. 219 00:12:32,581 --> 00:12:34,661 He doesn't know what he's fucking talking about, he's a... 220 00:12:34,701 --> 00:12:37,181 Oh, he's always on the fucking drink. 221 00:12:37,221 --> 00:12:40,101 EVERYONE: Oh... 222 00:12:40,141 --> 00:12:42,141 Wahey! 223 00:12:42,181 --> 00:12:43,861 THEY GROAN 224 00:12:45,341 --> 00:12:48,821 Not in front of my dad, he's a married man. Put it away! 225 00:12:48,861 --> 00:12:51,581 Hey, somewhere to park my bike, anyway. 226 00:13:28,621 --> 00:13:33,141 Bloody flipping Curtis and stupid, bloody thick flipping Maggie. 227 00:13:35,261 --> 00:13:36,981 Deep breath. 228 00:13:37,021 --> 00:13:40,221 Hi! Hey! 229 00:13:40,261 --> 00:13:42,741 Maggie, Maggie, Maggie, out, out, out. 230 00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:44,581 Oh, that dates you. Sorry we're late. 231 00:13:44,621 --> 00:13:46,861 Oh, you look wonderful. Nice to see you. 232 00:13:46,901 --> 00:13:50,661 Oh, I saw Sanjay! Yeah, I know. He said. 233 00:13:50,701 --> 00:13:52,061 It's been ages. How you been? 234 00:13:52,101 --> 00:13:57,181 Er, not bad. Not bad. Yeah. You're looking older and fatter and greyer. 235 00:13:57,221 --> 00:13:58,781 And you're beginning to smell. 236 00:13:58,821 --> 00:14:00,021 THEY CHUCKLE 237 00:14:00,061 --> 00:14:02,381 Let me take that. 238 00:14:02,421 --> 00:14:04,741 So...who else is coming? 239 00:14:05,861 --> 00:14:08,301 Oh, er, well, it's just us. 240 00:14:08,341 --> 00:14:11,741 Yeah, I thought we could catch up. Have a chance to talk, you know. 241 00:14:11,781 --> 00:14:13,581 Talk about what? 242 00:14:13,621 --> 00:14:15,661 You know, things. Come on through. 243 00:14:22,301 --> 00:14:23,821 Is that enough for you? 244 00:14:28,541 --> 00:14:31,181 And he grabs my laptop and runs. I mean, 245 00:14:31,221 --> 00:14:33,141 he's, what, 6' 3", all muscles. 246 00:14:33,181 --> 00:14:34,261 I mean, he's only 25 years old, 247 00:14:34,301 --> 00:14:37,661 so he runs like a gymnast, out the front door, gone. 248 00:14:37,701 --> 00:14:40,661 And I run! I run after him into the street, 249 00:14:40,701 --> 00:14:43,621 then I hear this click. It's the door closing behind me, 250 00:14:43,661 --> 00:14:47,501 locked, and I'm standing there absolutely naked! 251 00:14:47,541 --> 00:14:50,061 My God, no way. Yeah. I'm standing in the middle of the street 252 00:14:50,101 --> 00:14:51,501 stark bollock naked. 253 00:14:51,541 --> 00:14:53,421 I had to rescue him. Yeah. 254 00:14:53,461 --> 00:14:55,021 Did that really happen? 255 00:14:58,821 --> 00:15:02,901 All hanging out, for all the world to see. Cop a load of this. 256 00:15:07,421 --> 00:15:10,941 But that's it, because Trump is fixing the courts so he can stay 257 00:15:10,981 --> 00:15:13,821 for a third term. Why not a fourth? 258 00:15:13,861 --> 00:15:17,181 Cos you know what this is? The dark age. 259 00:15:18,661 --> 00:15:22,461 It's a new dark age. If I live for 30 more years, 260 00:15:22,501 --> 00:15:25,621 I will die before the dark age ends. 261 00:15:25,661 --> 00:15:28,061 This is it, now. For life. 262 00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:31,821 Oh, I've missed all this. Stephanie Soothsayer. 263 00:15:31,861 --> 00:15:34,981 It's a little bit...doom scrolling, don't you think? 264 00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:38,061 Maggie, you can't seriously say these are good times, can you? 265 00:15:38,101 --> 00:15:41,181 Oh, hardly, no, but I think we're in a state of panic. 266 00:15:41,221 --> 00:15:42,981 I don't think it helps. 267 00:15:44,461 --> 00:15:46,421 I panic, apparently. That's not what she means. 268 00:15:46,461 --> 00:15:48,461 I just think... 269 00:15:48,501 --> 00:15:52,261 We can all worry but we need to do something. 270 00:15:55,141 --> 00:15:56,581 So, we are. 271 00:15:57,981 --> 00:16:00,981 Just sort of a little bit of good in the world, yeah? 272 00:16:02,621 --> 00:16:05,781 Yeah. That's what we wanted to say. It's not a big deal, 273 00:16:05,821 --> 00:16:08,941 we just didn't want you to hear it second-hand. 274 00:16:08,981 --> 00:16:11,301 We are going to foster. 275 00:16:13,541 --> 00:16:15,741 We did the panel on Monday and they've said yes, 276 00:16:15,781 --> 00:16:18,141 so gonna be foster parents. 277 00:16:18,181 --> 00:16:21,461 Oh! I think that's brilliant. 278 00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:23,261 Well done. 279 00:16:24,541 --> 00:16:28,181 Nice. That's amazing. Big changes. 280 00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:31,581 There's such a shortage. I mean, there is SUCH a shortage. 281 00:16:31,621 --> 00:16:32,701 Although... 282 00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,501 ..poor kids having to listen to you two. 283 00:16:36,541 --> 00:16:38,621 CHUCKLING 284 00:16:38,661 --> 00:16:40,621 We're terrified. 285 00:16:40,661 --> 00:16:43,501 And we did try, but I'm 45 now, 286 00:16:43,541 --> 00:16:45,261 and that's not gonna happen. 287 00:16:45,301 --> 00:16:47,941 And this is the next best thing. It's equally good. 288 00:16:47,981 --> 00:16:51,181 Yes, it's... Exactly. Sorry. 289 00:16:52,661 --> 00:16:54,421 Mum and Dad, 290 00:16:54,461 --> 00:16:56,821 here's to you. 291 00:16:56,861 --> 00:16:59,781 Congratulations. We need people like you. 292 00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:03,461 You get a lot of money. 293 00:17:03,501 --> 00:17:06,261 That's why we're doing it. Cold, hard cash. It's the only... 294 00:17:06,301 --> 00:17:09,341 It's just you never said, when we were together. 295 00:17:09,381 --> 00:17:11,461 You never said you wanted kids. 296 00:17:11,501 --> 00:17:13,301 I didn't back then. 297 00:17:13,341 --> 00:17:16,461 What changed? Nothing. I suppose I was a different person. 298 00:17:16,501 --> 00:17:18,621 Oh, now you're better? 299 00:17:18,661 --> 00:17:19,901 No. 300 00:17:21,061 --> 00:17:22,581 SOFTLY: Don't. 301 00:17:27,701 --> 00:17:31,941 Right, are we all done? We've got a lovely tiramisu. All good? 302 00:17:31,981 --> 00:17:33,581 I'll give you a hand. 303 00:17:45,621 --> 00:17:47,141 Look, come here. 304 00:17:57,341 --> 00:17:59,381 Daddy. 305 00:17:59,421 --> 00:18:03,581 Might be a complete nightmare. I might regret every single second. 306 00:18:03,621 --> 00:18:06,141 You can't fuck up their lives, you know. Children. 307 00:18:08,061 --> 00:18:10,781 Cos they'll have had a hard enough time already. 308 00:18:10,821 --> 00:18:13,021 They don't need to come into a house that's... 309 00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:16,301 ..austere. 310 00:18:17,461 --> 00:18:19,501 Oh, that's what I am, is it? 311 00:18:19,541 --> 00:18:21,661 Well, I was always the one who was a laugh. 312 00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:24,981 I mean, sorry, but our mates did not come round for a hoot with Curtis. 313 00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:26,941 Oh, yeah, you're so funny. I'm laughing. It's just 314 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:29,941 that you never said anything, ever, about kids. 315 00:18:29,981 --> 00:18:32,381 Jamie adopted, you never said a word, not a hint. 316 00:18:33,781 --> 00:18:35,541 It's like I never knew you. 317 00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:37,861 Except, well, hm-hm, 318 00:18:37,901 --> 00:18:39,701 I didn't, did I? 319 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:46,541 You know what's really stupid? Since you left. 320 00:18:46,581 --> 00:18:49,141 Eating on my own. 321 00:18:50,381 --> 00:18:53,581 Sitting there, cut it up into little pieces, I eat, 322 00:18:53,621 --> 00:18:57,901 I put down the fork, I wash up. Just all that ceremony. OK. 323 00:18:57,941 --> 00:19:01,061 And then I shit. I shit and I eat. 324 00:19:01,101 --> 00:19:03,421 Might as well be a tube. That's my life. 325 00:19:03,461 --> 00:19:05,061 I'm a tube. 326 00:19:05,101 --> 00:19:06,981 Do you still have your key? Have I what? 327 00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:09,061 Your key to the house, have you still got it? 328 00:19:09,101 --> 00:19:12,301 Er, I-I-I don't know, maybe. I didn't formally hand it over. 329 00:19:12,341 --> 00:19:14,781 Why? Would you like me to? No, it's just, like... 330 00:19:18,581 --> 00:19:21,741 ..you haven't been back, have you? To the house? 331 00:19:21,781 --> 00:19:25,421 It's just things keep moving. 332 00:19:26,741 --> 00:19:29,061 When I'm not looking. It's... I feel like I'm going mad. 333 00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:32,421 I come back home and it's like things have been moved. 334 00:19:33,661 --> 00:19:35,421 Like a glass... 335 00:19:35,461 --> 00:19:37,341 ..or a bottle... 336 00:19:37,381 --> 00:19:40,941 ..a letter, or a book that's the wrong way round. 337 00:19:43,781 --> 00:19:45,621 Or a little bit less wine. 338 00:19:47,221 --> 00:19:49,021 And then I turn on the TV. You know when you turn on the TV, 339 00:19:49,061 --> 00:19:51,061 it goes to the last channel you were on? 340 00:19:51,101 --> 00:19:55,661 When I turn it on, it goes to channel 161. What the hell is 161? 341 00:19:57,661 --> 00:19:59,061 You OK? 342 00:20:01,141 --> 00:20:02,901 Yeah. 343 00:20:02,941 --> 00:20:04,261 It's not me. 344 00:20:05,381 --> 00:20:08,701 No, I didn't... I didn't think it was. 345 00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:11,621 I don't really think there's anyone in your house. 346 00:20:13,541 --> 00:20:15,021 No. 347 00:20:18,141 --> 00:20:19,541 I've gone. 348 00:20:21,581 --> 00:20:23,581 Yeah. 349 00:20:23,621 --> 00:20:26,941 I've left you, darling. I've gone. 350 00:20:29,141 --> 00:20:31,181 LEO CRIES 351 00:20:32,741 --> 00:20:35,781 MUSIC: I love you by Billie Eilish 352 00:20:45,501 --> 00:20:47,221 You OK? Yeah. 353 00:20:50,821 --> 00:20:52,221 Yeah, yeah. 354 00:20:57,061 --> 00:20:58,861 I'm fine. 355 00:21:00,061 --> 00:21:03,221 No, no, no, wait. The best bit, I'll tell you the best bit. 356 00:21:03,261 --> 00:21:06,101 Maggie, sob story, barren Maggie. 357 00:21:06,141 --> 00:21:10,021 When she said, "Did that really happen?" 358 00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:12,661 Oh, my God, yeah, how to kill a fucking story. 359 00:21:12,701 --> 00:21:15,661 "Did that really happen?" Oh, "Hardly." 360 00:21:15,701 --> 00:21:17,621 "Hardly." She said that. 361 00:21:17,661 --> 00:21:21,981 "Ooh, hardly." Downton Abbey. "Hardly." 362 00:21:22,021 --> 00:21:25,461 Ah, that's why she snared him. To be a mother, 363 00:21:25,501 --> 00:21:29,061 that's what she wanted all this time. I said so. 364 00:21:29,101 --> 00:21:30,941 Do you know what I'm going to do tonight? 365 00:21:30,981 --> 00:21:33,101 APP BLEEPS I'm gonna get laid. 366 00:21:33,141 --> 00:21:35,501 I'm gonna get fucked and battered and rimmed. 367 00:21:35,541 --> 00:21:37,701 I am so gonna get rimmed. 368 00:21:37,741 --> 00:21:40,941 Did you know that Curtis has never eaten arse his entire life? 369 00:21:40,981 --> 00:21:42,421 Yup, you did tell me. 370 00:21:42,461 --> 00:21:44,541 He'd only eat it with some coriander. 371 00:21:44,581 --> 00:21:46,861 But tonight's the night! 372 00:21:48,701 --> 00:21:50,661 All right, my darling. Goodnight. 373 00:21:50,701 --> 00:21:53,101 Bend over and think of Scotland. 374 00:21:55,821 --> 00:21:57,941 Oh, don't worry, I've only had two beers, 375 00:21:57,981 --> 00:22:01,061 so I won't turn up hung over. This is Leo, my gay neighbour. 376 00:22:01,101 --> 00:22:02,941 Oh, if that's not offensive. 377 00:22:02,981 --> 00:22:05,221 Well, it is. So watch it. 378 00:22:07,181 --> 00:22:09,381 Don't talk to your employer like that. 379 00:22:18,781 --> 00:22:23,021 You little fuckers. Big fuckers. Hot, hairy, hung. 380 00:22:23,061 --> 00:22:24,661 MOANING 381 00:22:31,061 --> 00:22:32,661 Yes. 382 00:22:49,981 --> 00:22:51,821 DOORBELL RINGS 383 00:22:52,861 --> 00:22:55,341 Found you. Hello, I'm Dave. 384 00:22:55,381 --> 00:22:57,141 I know it says Francesco on the app, 385 00:22:57,181 --> 00:23:02,741 but Francesco gets more results, so, anyway, it's Dave really. 386 00:23:02,781 --> 00:23:04,261 Yeah, hi, I'm Leo. 387 00:23:04,301 --> 00:23:06,861 And that's your real name? Yes. Good start. 388 00:23:06,901 --> 00:23:08,781 There's a lot of liars on that thing. 389 00:23:14,181 --> 00:23:17,221 Ooh, nice place. Thanks. 390 00:23:17,261 --> 00:23:18,981 Do you own it? I do, yeah. 391 00:23:21,461 --> 00:23:24,341 It's nice. And is it just you? 392 00:23:24,381 --> 00:23:30,461 Just me. And that is how it's gonna stay, I'm afraid. Just me. 393 00:23:30,501 --> 00:23:31,901 Um... 394 00:23:31,941 --> 00:23:34,621 I'm fine with being on my own. 395 00:23:34,661 --> 00:23:37,621 I didn't come round to marry you. 396 00:23:37,661 --> 00:23:38,981 No, but... 397 00:23:40,581 --> 00:23:42,021 ..I've changed my mind. 398 00:23:43,581 --> 00:23:47,301 I'm just not up for it tonight. I thought I was, but I'm not. 399 00:23:47,341 --> 00:23:48,661 You know when it just goes? 400 00:23:50,061 --> 00:23:51,781 You're kidding me? Sorry. 401 00:23:55,701 --> 00:23:57,101 Another one. 402 00:24:01,181 --> 00:24:02,821 You know, I came all this way. 403 00:24:02,861 --> 00:24:05,741 Well, 662 metres. Not that far. 404 00:24:05,781 --> 00:24:07,061 Piss off. 405 00:24:08,221 --> 00:24:09,501 I will. 406 00:24:22,541 --> 00:24:24,101 Oh. 407 00:24:26,141 --> 00:24:28,061 MESSAGE ALERT 408 00:24:30,701 --> 00:24:32,421 Oh, fuck. 409 00:25:10,661 --> 00:25:12,381 MESSAGE ALERT 410 00:25:12,421 --> 00:25:15,981 RAISED VOICES 411 00:25:26,061 --> 00:25:28,501 ARGUMENT CONTINUES 412 00:25:28,541 --> 00:25:30,821 I don't blame him, your own friends treat you like shit. 413 00:25:30,861 --> 00:25:32,101 Yeah, you'd know. 414 00:25:32,141 --> 00:25:35,501 They might as well piss on the floor. I'll get them a trough! 415 00:26:03,621 --> 00:26:05,341 MESSAGE ALERT 416 00:26:06,981 --> 00:26:08,421 Apostrophe. 417 00:26:26,621 --> 00:26:31,461 I want to know why you would look at something so disgusting. 418 00:27:16,341 --> 00:27:18,261 Fuck you. 419 00:27:18,301 --> 00:27:20,661 Fuck off, then. Fuck off, kid. 420 00:27:20,701 --> 00:27:22,501 FROM NEXT DOOR: All right? 421 00:28:33,061 --> 00:28:34,901 MESSAGE ALERT 422 00:28:47,181 --> 00:28:49,341 MESSAGE ALERT 423 00:29:48,861 --> 00:29:50,701 MESSAGE ALERT 424 00:29:53,341 --> 00:29:54,341 MESSAGE ALERT 425 00:29:56,181 --> 00:29:58,061 MESSAGE ALERT 426 00:30:57,621 --> 00:30:59,341 I love you. 427 00:30:59,381 --> 00:31:00,741 I love you. 428 00:31:03,141 --> 00:31:04,741 I still love you. 429 00:31:44,981 --> 00:31:47,181 LEO GROANS 430 00:31:47,221 --> 00:31:48,741 Oh, no. 431 00:32:53,341 --> 00:32:55,381 MESSAGE ALERT 432 00:33:10,861 --> 00:33:13,381 George, I swear, if you tell your girl friends about this, 433 00:33:13,421 --> 00:33:16,181 they will tell you that every single stupid boy does this, 434 00:33:16,221 --> 00:33:17,701 and you'll laugh about it. 435 00:33:19,461 --> 00:33:21,421 Because there's such a big world out there, 436 00:33:21,461 --> 00:33:25,141 and you can have boyfriends or girlfriends or...whatever you like. 437 00:33:26,581 --> 00:33:29,901 You can have all the wild and crazy hot sex you want, 438 00:33:29,941 --> 00:33:31,421 night after night. 439 00:33:33,581 --> 00:33:37,341 Cos I promise you, George, there's a great big gay life 440 00:33:37,381 --> 00:33:39,061 just waiting for you. 441 00:33:46,621 --> 00:33:48,181 DOOR OPENS 442 00:33:48,221 --> 00:33:51,141 I'm coming in, so hands by your sides, all right? 443 00:33:51,181 --> 00:33:54,061 Listen, all this stuff between your mum and me, 444 00:33:54,101 --> 00:33:56,541 I don't want you hearing that, you know, so, er... 445 00:33:58,861 --> 00:33:59,941 There you go. 446 00:34:03,821 --> 00:34:06,341 You all right? Yeah. Well, you don't look it. 447 00:34:08,421 --> 00:34:11,461 What is it? It's the game. Dog died. 448 00:34:11,501 --> 00:34:13,341 MESSAGE ALERT 449 00:34:13,381 --> 00:34:15,261 Who are you texting? What's it to you? 450 00:34:15,301 --> 00:34:16,621 Oh, come on. It's late, isn't it? 451 00:34:16,661 --> 00:34:18,181 You've got college tomorrow and you know the rules. 452 00:34:18,221 --> 00:34:20,261 The phone's not private until you're 18. 453 00:34:20,301 --> 00:34:21,461 So, come on, give us it. 454 00:34:23,941 --> 00:34:26,941 Is it a girl? Shut up. No, has she upset you? 455 00:34:26,981 --> 00:34:28,301 Can you just leave me alone? 456 00:34:28,341 --> 00:34:30,541 I wanna tell you something important, all right? 457 00:34:30,581 --> 00:34:32,101 They're not worth it. 458 00:34:33,541 --> 00:34:34,981 Not one of them. 459 00:34:44,061 --> 00:34:45,821 MESSAGE ALERT 460 00:34:49,541 --> 00:34:51,461 Urgh, you're disgusting. 461 00:35:26,741 --> 00:35:29,501 Morning, all. Morning! Morning, lover boy. How's Curtis? 462 00:35:29,541 --> 00:35:34,101 Oh, boring old bastard. Hello, Saul. All right, boss. Nice gaff. 463 00:35:34,141 --> 00:35:36,061 You're late. 464 00:35:36,101 --> 00:35:39,821 No. I was in early yesterday because of you. 465 00:35:39,861 --> 00:35:43,501 This is, like, a normal time of day, because I work late. 466 00:35:43,541 --> 00:35:44,901 And... 467 00:35:44,941 --> 00:35:46,941 ..I want to apologise. 468 00:35:46,981 --> 00:35:50,261 If I was a bit rude last night. I, er... Sorry about that. 469 00:35:50,301 --> 00:35:51,421 I meant no offence. 470 00:35:51,461 --> 00:35:53,381 Why, what did you say? 471 00:35:53,421 --> 00:35:54,781 It's all done and dusted. 472 00:35:56,741 --> 00:35:57,821 So, are we good? 473 00:35:57,861 --> 00:36:00,021 Told you, got nothing on my conscience. 474 00:36:00,061 --> 00:36:02,661 I only had two pints, so my head is clear. 475 00:36:02,701 --> 00:36:05,701 Not me. I'm fucking hanging. 476 00:36:05,741 --> 00:36:08,181 I'll tell you what, boss. I said to Jude, 477 00:36:08,221 --> 00:36:10,181 "Have you got any paint left from when you last did the walls?" 478 00:36:10,221 --> 00:36:12,541 She looked in the cellar. And there it was, sitting at the back, 479 00:36:12,581 --> 00:36:14,661 after all these years. No-one ever chucks paint away. 480 00:36:14,701 --> 00:36:16,101 Don't know how to do it. 481 00:36:16,141 --> 00:36:18,381 That saves a bit of money. Nicely played. 482 00:36:18,421 --> 00:36:21,141 Well, welcome on board, Saul. All right, 483 00:36:21,181 --> 00:36:23,101 me and Judy have got the managers' meeting now, 484 00:36:23,141 --> 00:36:25,741 all the bars and clubs with the council. It's a riot. 485 00:36:25,781 --> 00:36:29,461 Help yourself to anything, and Mikey can look after you. Mikey, 486 00:36:29,501 --> 00:36:33,461 you've met Clive. That's Saul, Clive's son. All right? 487 00:36:33,501 --> 00:36:34,781 Morning, fellas. 488 00:36:36,181 --> 00:36:38,261 SHE MOUTHS 489 00:36:39,661 --> 00:36:41,181 DOOR OPENS 490 00:37:04,101 --> 00:37:07,861 It's Saul, isn't it? I mean, you're Hotsaul. 491 00:37:07,901 --> 00:37:11,541 Oh, mate, don't tell me you subscribe. It's for girls, you know. 492 00:37:11,581 --> 00:37:13,621 Can't stop me. As long as you're paying. 493 00:37:13,661 --> 00:37:15,101 I'm on there. Are you? 494 00:37:15,141 --> 00:37:17,621 Mikey Manchester. How much do you make? 495 00:37:17,661 --> 00:37:19,261 20,000 a year. 496 00:37:19,301 --> 00:37:22,581 Fucking hell. I make six if I'm lucky. What you working here for? 497 00:37:22,621 --> 00:37:25,781 My dad. He's a...dickhead. 498 00:37:25,821 --> 00:37:28,021 Left us with a load of debts and shit. 499 00:37:28,061 --> 00:37:30,101 But hey, if you ever wanna collab... 500 00:37:30,141 --> 00:37:31,701 Oh, mate, not my scene. 501 00:37:31,741 --> 00:37:33,221 I could teach you. 502 00:37:33,261 --> 00:37:34,901 Seriously, just women. Yeah? 503 00:37:34,941 --> 00:37:36,141 Take a Viagra. 504 00:37:36,181 --> 00:37:39,541 Nice try, cheers, mate. Keep subscribing. Have a good wank. 505 00:37:39,581 --> 00:37:40,821 I've done that. 506 00:37:44,621 --> 00:37:47,021 I am catnip in this place. 507 00:37:47,061 --> 00:37:51,021 What do you mean? That Mikey lad, asking to diddle me. Begging for it. 508 00:37:52,101 --> 00:37:53,221 So, what did you say? 509 00:37:53,261 --> 00:37:56,821 I said, "Up your arse." That was a mistake. He said, "Yes, please." 510 00:37:59,901 --> 00:38:01,381 And who is she? 511 00:38:01,421 --> 00:38:02,981 I'm Saul. I'm with him. 512 00:38:04,461 --> 00:38:06,021 Well, isn't he the lucky one? 513 00:38:07,301 --> 00:38:08,741 Told you. Catnip. 514 00:38:14,461 --> 00:38:16,181 And who are you? 515 00:38:16,221 --> 00:38:17,861 I'm the electrician. 516 00:38:17,901 --> 00:38:20,261 Oh, the neighbour. That's right. 517 00:38:20,301 --> 00:38:22,421 The horny-handed son of toil. 518 00:38:23,461 --> 00:38:28,421 You're the one with the son. Mm. He said he was hot. 519 00:38:28,461 --> 00:38:30,501 Who did? 520 00:38:30,541 --> 00:38:32,021 Leo. 521 00:38:33,061 --> 00:38:34,941 When did he say that? 522 00:38:34,981 --> 00:38:38,101 Wasn't he naked, your boy? 523 00:38:38,141 --> 00:38:41,141 Wasn't there a story that Leo was in your house, 524 00:38:41,181 --> 00:38:43,221 and your son was naked? 525 00:38:43,261 --> 00:38:44,701 Yeah. 526 00:38:44,741 --> 00:38:47,261 When the boss got locked out the house. He means Saul. 527 00:38:47,301 --> 00:38:49,741 Yeah, well he doesn't mean George, does he? George is 16. 528 00:38:49,781 --> 00:38:50,901 He's legal. 529 00:38:50,941 --> 00:38:54,501 Melba, it's a bit dangerous in here with the electrics. 530 00:38:54,541 --> 00:38:56,661 Let's keep you safe, eh? Sit you by the window. 531 00:38:56,701 --> 00:39:00,061 Hanna's actually nipping out for some toasties if you want one. 532 00:39:00,101 --> 00:39:02,421 Let's get you a nice cheese and ham toastie, eh? 533 00:39:05,901 --> 00:39:08,861 Next point of order, Lauchlan McCartney. 534 00:39:08,901 --> 00:39:10,621 You'll be glad to hear he's currently residing 535 00:39:10,661 --> 00:39:12,701 at His Majesty's pleasure. Which one's he? 536 00:39:12,741 --> 00:39:15,901 The Bird Man. Big tall skinhead, you've seen him. 537 00:39:15,941 --> 00:39:18,461 He'd bite the heads off pigeons and leave 'em outside Cruz 101. 538 00:39:18,501 --> 00:39:21,621 Oh, yeah. Not any more. Pigeon population is restored. 539 00:39:21,661 --> 00:39:24,101 Next on the list, over to you, Lucille. 540 00:39:24,141 --> 00:39:26,981 This was tough. Miss Titty Ditty. 541 00:39:27,021 --> 00:39:30,021 Titty Ditty is a cabaret artist from Glasgow. 542 00:39:30,061 --> 00:39:33,021 We booked her, but she then prints posters 543 00:39:33,061 --> 00:39:34,941 and starts advertising on her website, 544 00:39:34,981 --> 00:39:36,661 this is her, not us, 545 00:39:36,701 --> 00:39:39,461 and the image had a Star of David on it. 546 00:39:39,501 --> 00:39:42,181 Now, it's got all sorts on it. It's got Spider-Man, 547 00:39:42,221 --> 00:39:45,541 it's got the TARDIS, it's got Cynthia Erivo. 548 00:39:45,581 --> 00:39:47,701 It's a collage, but we get protests. 549 00:39:47,741 --> 00:39:49,821 They think she's anti-Palestine. 550 00:39:49,861 --> 00:39:52,701 And is she? I don't think she could point to Palestine on a map. 551 00:39:52,741 --> 00:39:55,341 She sings limericks on a banjo. The next thing you know, 552 00:39:55,381 --> 00:39:56,621 our staff are being assaulted, 553 00:39:56,661 --> 00:39:58,421 security, they're getting food flung at them, 554 00:39:58,461 --> 00:40:00,021 chips and stuff thrown in their face. 555 00:40:00,061 --> 00:40:01,461 Who does that? Passers-by? 556 00:40:01,501 --> 00:40:03,301 No, our lot. 557 00:40:03,341 --> 00:40:07,381 Lesbians at a lesbian bar attacking the lesbian staff 558 00:40:07,421 --> 00:40:10,781 because of a lesbian with a Jewish symbol. What the hell's going on? 559 00:40:12,301 --> 00:40:16,141 On behalf of the council, I've got to say, we're very happy. 560 00:40:16,181 --> 00:40:19,501 We can review the use of polycarbonates after 11pm, 561 00:40:19,541 --> 00:40:22,421 but I do have one worry. 562 00:40:22,461 --> 00:40:24,701 You have a lot of drag queens on the door. 563 00:40:27,181 --> 00:40:28,621 We do. Are you sure? 564 00:40:30,501 --> 00:40:32,101 We definitely do. I've seen them. 565 00:40:32,141 --> 00:40:34,141 Are you sure about the policy? 566 00:40:34,181 --> 00:40:36,221 We think it might drive people away. 567 00:40:36,261 --> 00:40:38,381 I think they draw people in. In fact, I know they do. 568 00:40:38,421 --> 00:40:39,861 People love a drag queen. 569 00:40:39,901 --> 00:40:42,421 In 2026? Since time immemorial. 570 00:40:42,461 --> 00:40:44,301 I don't quite understand what the problem is here. 571 00:40:44,341 --> 00:40:46,741 I'm gay. I go to Canal Street. 572 00:40:46,781 --> 00:40:49,661 I discover that gay means a man in lipstick 573 00:40:49,701 --> 00:40:51,941 and a wig with false breasts and glitter. 574 00:40:51,981 --> 00:40:53,301 How does that represent me? 575 00:40:53,341 --> 00:40:55,141 It's not meant to represent you. 576 00:40:55,181 --> 00:40:58,461 No, but nothing ever represents me, does it? So, what do you want? 577 00:40:58,501 --> 00:41:00,661 Door staff in... 578 00:41:03,021 --> 00:41:04,181 What? 579 00:41:06,101 --> 00:41:08,901 He's not even gay. He's been seen with a woman called Elaine. 580 00:41:08,941 --> 00:41:10,981 He just pretends to be gay to get promoted. 581 00:41:11,021 --> 00:41:13,341 That's how it works these days. 582 00:41:13,381 --> 00:41:17,421 Ah, I always said the left would eat itself, and the feasting has begun. 583 00:41:17,461 --> 00:41:21,061 They're throwing chips. With tomato fucking sauce. 584 00:41:21,101 --> 00:41:23,181 Do you still have that youth group? 585 00:41:23,221 --> 00:41:24,861 Er, yeah, still going. 586 00:41:24,901 --> 00:41:28,861 I've got a youth for you. Let me save one of them. Just one. 587 00:41:28,901 --> 00:41:30,981 Ah, that's what I like to see. 588 00:41:31,021 --> 00:41:33,341 At least I can trust you lot. Morning, Melba. 589 00:41:33,381 --> 00:41:36,901 My meeting was dull, stupid and insane. 590 00:41:36,941 --> 00:41:39,621 Hello, Clive. All good? Saul, happy? 591 00:41:39,661 --> 00:41:42,381 All good. Oh, and Benny from the brewery. 592 00:41:42,421 --> 00:41:45,301 On cue. A warm hand on your entrance. 593 00:41:45,341 --> 00:41:48,221 You wish. Christ, I've had a night and a half. 594 00:41:48,261 --> 00:41:51,421 Hello, Leonardo. Hand those out. Special offers, 595 00:41:51,461 --> 00:41:53,461 Love Your Best Friend Day on the 31st. What? 596 00:41:53,501 --> 00:41:55,541 I know, I don't know who comes up with this shit, me. 597 00:41:55,581 --> 00:41:56,981 Someone in a room. 598 00:41:57,021 --> 00:41:59,901 So, I went out last night, hooked up with this ice skater. He said, 599 00:41:59,941 --> 00:42:02,061 "I'm with Disney on Ice." I said, "Well, better than being 600 00:42:02,101 --> 00:42:04,421 "with Disney on fire." No word of a lie, 601 00:42:04,461 --> 00:42:06,621 grabbed his arse, it was like holding a skull. 602 00:42:06,661 --> 00:42:09,141 Ooh, nice. I know. And hung like a deodorant. 603 00:42:09,181 --> 00:42:12,141 Like a lady-size roll-on? Fuck your mother. 604 00:42:12,181 --> 00:42:14,541 I'm talking a cannister of Right Guard. Huh? 605 00:42:14,581 --> 00:42:16,621 You should see me, girls, I'm prolapsed. 606 00:42:16,661 --> 00:42:19,421 And he shot his load. Do you know how many ropes? 607 00:42:19,461 --> 00:42:22,621 12. In the face. One, ow, two, ow, three, ow, four, ow... 608 00:42:22,661 --> 00:42:23,981 I was like a battered wife. 609 00:42:24,021 --> 00:42:25,621 CLATTER 610 00:42:25,661 --> 00:42:27,581 Trying to work here. 611 00:42:28,661 --> 00:42:30,941 Don't you tell me to put a plug in it, darling, 612 00:42:30,981 --> 00:42:32,581 cos I've already got one in. 613 00:42:32,621 --> 00:42:34,981 Benny from the brewery, this is Clive. 614 00:42:35,021 --> 00:42:36,501 We're having some electrics done. 615 00:42:36,541 --> 00:42:40,341 Oh. Are you putting the neon back up? Oh, my God. 616 00:42:40,381 --> 00:42:42,101 That's a thought, I love the neon. 617 00:42:42,141 --> 00:42:44,781 I love the neon. Do you remember? 618 00:42:44,821 --> 00:42:46,981 Ta-da! CHEERING 619 00:42:47,021 --> 00:42:49,261 See? Told you. 620 00:42:49,301 --> 00:42:50,581 ELECTRICAL FIZZING 621 00:42:50,621 --> 00:42:51,781 GROANS 622 00:42:51,821 --> 00:42:53,661 Oh. Shit. 623 00:42:53,701 --> 00:42:54,781 What happened to that thing? 624 00:42:54,821 --> 00:42:57,261 Never bloody worked, did it? And I got the blame for it. 625 00:43:02,701 --> 00:43:03,981 Yeah, we should put it back up. 626 00:43:04,021 --> 00:43:08,021 Curtis would be so pissed off. Hey, Clive, can you fix neon signs? 627 00:43:08,061 --> 00:43:10,101 Cost you extra. Where is it? It's not here. 628 00:43:10,141 --> 00:43:12,941 Oh, no, it's at home, it's at mine. I got it in the divorce. 629 00:43:12,981 --> 00:43:15,621 It's a big old thing. Clive, could you bring it in your van tomorrow? 630 00:43:15,661 --> 00:43:17,821 No, I told you, it's a one-day job, innit? 631 00:43:17,861 --> 00:43:20,021 And anyway, I think I'm finished with this place. 632 00:43:20,061 --> 00:43:21,781 Well, I'm still paying you. 633 00:43:23,021 --> 00:43:26,261 All right, yeah. I'll go and get it. Where is it? Your house? Um... 634 00:43:26,301 --> 00:43:27,661 I've got the keys, haven't I? 635 00:43:27,701 --> 00:43:29,981 No, but I don't like anyone going into my house without me. 636 00:43:30,021 --> 00:43:32,181 Why not? What am I gonna do? I just don't. 637 00:43:32,221 --> 00:43:34,981 Well, maybe you should come with me, eh? Cos I wanna talk to you 638 00:43:35,021 --> 00:43:39,021 about inappropriate behaviour. Your staff making suggestions 639 00:43:39,061 --> 00:43:42,021 to my son. Oh, shut up, Dad. Don't be stupid. 640 00:43:42,061 --> 00:43:45,301 What did you do? Didn't do anything. 641 00:43:45,341 --> 00:43:47,541 Ooh, drama, salt my popcorn. 642 00:43:50,141 --> 00:43:52,741 He asked him for sex, and I know the law. That's inappropriate. 643 00:43:52,781 --> 00:43:55,621 All right, all right, I'll have a word, but come on, Clive. 644 00:43:55,661 --> 00:43:58,901 They're lads. They banter. Wasn't it just banter? 645 00:43:58,941 --> 00:44:01,781 Saul's 25 years old. Exactly, he's not a kid. 646 00:44:01,821 --> 00:44:05,141 Yeah, and he's not bent. Oh, so that's the problem. 647 00:44:05,181 --> 00:44:07,901 I did not make a pass at him. You're kidding me. 648 00:44:07,941 --> 00:44:09,421 What, I'm not seriously getting bollocked? 649 00:44:09,461 --> 00:44:12,141 It's people your age who insist on these rules, 650 00:44:12,181 --> 00:44:15,181 for good reason. And I think this is private, Zee. 651 00:44:15,221 --> 00:44:17,021 I saw them. Saul was laughing. 652 00:44:17,061 --> 00:44:19,621 Why is everything always sex with you lot, eh? All the time. 653 00:44:19,661 --> 00:44:21,581 And it's not like that with you? Come on, Clive. 654 00:44:21,621 --> 00:44:22,941 Take me to one of your building sites. 655 00:44:22,981 --> 00:44:25,301 Let me listen to your mates. I'd be shocked. 656 00:44:25,341 --> 00:44:27,941 "Fuck your mother," that man said. I mean, "Fuck your mother"?! 657 00:44:27,981 --> 00:44:29,061 Who says that? 658 00:44:29,101 --> 00:44:32,661 I was being professional. This IS my profession. 659 00:44:32,701 --> 00:44:36,181 We're both on Only Fans. Look, and there's Saul... 660 00:44:36,221 --> 00:44:39,701 ..selling himself here. Have it on the group chat. 661 00:44:50,181 --> 00:44:51,341 Anything good? 662 00:44:51,381 --> 00:44:54,341 That person with the lipstick said that you fancied Saul. 663 00:44:54,381 --> 00:44:55,461 I mean, how old are you, Leo? 664 00:44:55,501 --> 00:44:57,261 Clive, look, he's 6'5" and strapping. 665 00:44:57,301 --> 00:44:58,901 I'm allowed to notice. 666 00:44:58,941 --> 00:45:01,541 If-If you had a mate who had a daughter who was 25 667 00:45:01,581 --> 00:45:03,581 and gorgeous, you'd notice, so... 668 00:45:03,621 --> 00:45:06,381 MESSAGE ALERT It's not my fault that Saul is... 669 00:45:06,421 --> 00:45:07,701 We've got rules about this. 670 00:45:07,741 --> 00:45:09,821 Saul's an employee. You can't play that. 671 00:45:25,981 --> 00:45:27,261 LEO CACKLES 672 00:45:27,301 --> 00:45:31,221 What? What's so funny? No, it's nothing, it's nothing. 673 00:45:32,341 --> 00:45:33,981 Nothing, really. 674 00:45:37,581 --> 00:45:39,501 You're laughing, aren't you? Just all of ya. 675 00:45:39,541 --> 00:45:41,861 You're laughing at filth. It's just filth. 676 00:45:41,901 --> 00:45:44,501 Deodorants? And you wonder why you get hate. 677 00:45:44,541 --> 00:45:46,781 All right, you can hate us and blame us all you like, 678 00:45:46,821 --> 00:45:48,741 but why don't you sit down with your son, huh? 679 00:45:48,781 --> 00:45:50,821 Your straight son, and ask him? 680 00:46:27,101 --> 00:46:30,901 Subtitles by Red Bee Media